I’m sitting here just letting myself get hungry

I mean, my stomach is straight up growling right now, and my fridge is only about 4 meters away. Maybe less? I’ve never been good at estimating distance. I didn’t have enough for breakfast, and I’m probably not going to have lunch for another hour and a half. On top of that, now I’m daydreaming about some crème brûlée that I had yesterday, because my tweet about it just got retweeted a bunch of times (OK, three times, let’s not oversell my reach here) and I wish I was eating more of it right now.

Like, have you even had crème brûlée with chunks of fruit in it before? I didn’t know that was a thing and it’s the best.

Anyway, you were probably expecting, or at least hoping, that I was going to get to something that resembles a point. So, here it is. I don’t do much of anything to really allow myself to experience discomfort. And that’s something that I’ve been mulling over the past couple of days. I like being comfortable. I assume most people do. But comfort breeds complacency, and I don’t like how complacent I am. On top of that, I just don’t deal with discomfort well. I don’t get to sleep in my own bed for a few nights, and I get crankier every day. I also get super cranky when Facebook changes my news feed setting from Most Recent to Top Stories, or when I have to sit through a conference call that could’ve been an email. And yeah, those are annoying things, but none of them are things that I should let get to me.

I think the real issue is that I dwell on these little things, instead of focussing on the bigger picture. My life is pretty comfortable. I have a lot of advantages. And I ignore those advantages routinely, and I do basically nothing to ensure that other people who are less privileged can have the same opportunities that I do. This isn’t a new revelation for me. I’ve written about it before (maybe here?) and haven’t done anything else about it. Which, let’s be honest, is what’s happening again right now, because the next thing that I was going to write was “And I don’t know what to do about that, although I know I should do something.”

Oh, sure, I’ve got my little self-improvement projects (short recap: no unnecessary spending for three months, daily meditation, yoga, and French practice, learning guitar and to a lesser extent programming), but all of that stuff is very insular. I haven’t done anything to really be an active part of a community since university, and I haven’t done anything to really challenge my own comfort since I experimented with psychedelics around the same time.

So that’s what’s rattling around my brain this morning. I’m home alone for a couple days again. I had coffee on the deck a couple hours ago, when it was foggy and not too warm. My instinct now is to shut the windows and hide in front of the AC for a few hours. But maybe I’ll get the trike out of the shed after lunch and see where the day takes me.